One needs only read the news on a daily basis to see what is coming:
The zombie craze seemed to start with an attack in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, 31, was killed by cops while in the process of eating almost the entirety of a homeless man’s face off. The victim, Ronald Poppo, miraculously survived, but doctors are having a hard time figuring out how to put his face back together.
Then, on Tuesday, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua of Maryland allegedly admitted to dismembering his roommate and then eating his heart and brain.
Cops in Canada are also searching for a low-budget porn actor who allegedly killed a young man with an ice pick, dismembered the body and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse. Luka Rocco Magnotta is being hunted after he allegedly mailed some of the body parts to Ottawa. He’s also accused of killing cats on video and posting the footage online.
Gawker fingered a “mysterious rash” breakout at a high school in Hollywood and other parts of Florida — which hazmat and disease control teams still can’t explain — as further proof that zombies are taking over.
Zombie-like characteristics have been confirmed in the animal kingdom, just not in humans. A newfound fungus in a Brazilian rain forest — called Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani — is known to infect an ant, take over its brain so as to move the body to a good location for growth, and then kill the insect.
So far, it seems that the WHO and the CDC have managed to keep it under control. The strange thing is that they have released a statement in the past in response to stories like these, outright denying the existence of a zombie virus.
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.
I would say they are doing so to avoid panic, but that’s never been the CDC’s style. When the swine flu broke out, the CDC slathered its website with all sorts of precautionary steps they wanted people to take, all while admonishing us to not panic. The CDC has a history of going overboard, apparently living by the axiom that it’s better to be safe than sorry.
So why the denial of a zombie virus even though it’s obvious that more and more cases are surfacing and that it’s only a matter of time before an infected person gets loose? If I had to wager, I’d say it’s because unlike the swine flu and other outbreaks, the CDC and the WHO don’t know what to do about it.
Time to go out and buy a new pair of running shoes. You’ll need them.