Preppers Will Dig Their Own Grave: Zombie Defense Against Shovels


When you become a zombie, defending yourself against arrogant preppers will not be that hard. Many of these idiots will go for chainsaws, katanas, and shotguns, without being trained at all in their proper use. It won’t take long to make a meal of these morons, although I might warn you about empty calories. (rimshot)

There will be hold-outs, though. These preppers will know how to use guns, distinguish poisonous and edible plants, and will have no problem raiding defunct Lowe’s and Home Depot’s to get the right supplies. These preppers will be hard-earned meals for your zombie horde, but it is still possible.

One of the tools that a good prepper will go after is a shovel. Most people in these pre-Zombiepocalypse days prefer lighter shovels, for snow or automobile emergencies. These shovels look like this:


They have a broad, flat-ish head, but a small handle so the tool easily fits into the trunk of your car. But, as this video demonstrates, these shovels are not made from very tough materials.

The second part of the video, though, is a worry. Your rotting flesh is very susceptible to blows from tougher shovels, or improvised weapons. A larger, heavier shovel with a steel blade is durable, useful, and could be sharpened to create a slicing weapon with incredible reach.

monkspadeThis is not the first time anyone would have thought of this type of weapon, either, so the information is out there. Shaolin Spades or Monk’s Spades were, according to legend, developed by monks that carried spades or shovels with them when traveling. The shovel became a great multipurpose tool – defend yourself against bandits, then bury their bodies when you were through. Over time, the shovel became a more stylized weapon.

There’s also zombie-specific shovels already on sale. Tactical shovels can dig holes, chop wood, and slice through your delicate brain tissue.

You have some options, however. If you happen to be one of the smarter members of your horde, you can watch the preppers and wait until their shovels are destroyed through regular wear and tear. All materials degrade eventually. When they head over to raid the hardware store, you can take them out while they have to use crappier weapons. You can also hang back and wait for other members of your horde to take the preppers out – shovels are still melee weapons, meaning that the prepper has to be within a certain range to actually land a blow. This puts them in immediate physical danger, no matter how good their martial arts or melee weapon.

So there you have it. Take down the dumb preppers first, then the preppers with plastic “emergency” shovels, and by that point, the truly prepared preppers should have worn through one round of good shovel, making them easier targets when they head into town for supplies.

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