World’s first zombie survival store opens.

How nice would it be if you didn’t have to run between hardware stores, sporting outlets, and grocery stores to find everything you will need to survive when the outbreak finally occurs?  It seems that may be a reality now with the opening of the world’s first zombie survival store in Las Vegas.

Let’s take a peek at some of their products to see if they are the sweet ambrosia they purport to be.  First up is the 3 day, 2 people grab ‘n go kit for $47:

3 day two people. 6 water pouches, 2 – 2400 calorie food bars, first aid kit, 2 – rain ponchos, 2 – solar blankets, super bright survival flare, 2 – light sticks, hand crank flashlight, hand sanitizer, and tissue pack.

Oh hell to the yes.  This isn’t everything you need to survive, but it’s a damn good start.  You may be wondering why you’d want water pouches and not just a canteen.  Well, you’ll also want a canteen…but only when you know the water you’re drinking is pure.  Having water set aside and sealed will hold you over until you find a reliable water source.  I give the grab ‘n go kits a gold star for sure.

Next up is the Israeli gas mask for $45:

Issued by Israeli government to protect citizens of Israel from terrorist attacks. This item is regarded as the benchmark gas mask for civilian protection. NATO Approved. Never used. Intended for use during the EVACUATION from a contaminated area. Will filter out All Nuclear, Biological (Anthrax and Small Pox) and Chemical Agents. Comes with NBC filter (lasts up to 8 hours depending on level of contamination) Made of soft rubber and fits snuggly and comfortably protecting the face, eyes and respiratory system.

Seems good on the surface, and will certainly perform the task for which it is intended, but I’m going to say it will likely be unnecessary.  Gas masks work on filters.  They’re designed to either give you enough time to get away from the source of the gas or for brief excursions from a base where more filters are available.  They are not designed to protect a person indefinitely, which is likely what you will need.  If the virus is airborne, you need to hole up somewhere and keep it sanitized and on lock down.

In a zombie overrun scenario one of the things with which you will have to content, that many people don’t even think about, is the stench.  The stench of decaying flesh from one body is enough to make most people vomit.  Add into that the stench of millions of corpses loosing their bowels (as well as the fact that there are millions of corpses, not just one) and the odor may be so repugnant as to make you pass out.  A gas mask would be good for dealing with that, but it would come at a price: gas masks severely obscure vision.

A better solution would be a handkerchief worn over the nose and mouth with a sweet smelling cologne or something drizzled onto it.  Cheaper and you’ll be able to see just fine.

I give the Israeli gas mask a silver star.