Trying to survive a zombie apocalypse? Going to New Mexico is like playing on hard mode.

Alright, I know I owe you guys a post on how to secure your own meat in the wild, but I saw this post on reddit and it would’ve made me cry if I weren’t too tough for tears.  It’s someone arguing that New Mexico would be the ideal place to survive a zombie apocalypse.

The first reason he gives is the terrain:

NM terrain
Wow! What could be more conducive to survival than this? As it turns out, pretty much any place on earth.

As the author says:

With wide, open spaces like the mesa, dense hills and the desert, we’ll see those undead bastards coming miles away.

That is true, but with no natural obstacles it also means that zeds can see you from a mile away.  This is a problem since you have a finite pool of energy for doing things like running while zombies do not.  Good luck finding a safe place to sleep in the desert.

Also, how long are you going to be out in these wide-open, arid spaces?  While food may not be an issue for zombies, it sure is for humans, and there ain’t a whole lot of it in that picture.

More important than food is water, but the author talks a bit about that.

Water would be scarce, but New Mexicans are used to that.  Have we ever not been in a drought?

That’s an easy problem to deal with when you have running water.  When you don’t though, you’re more fucked than a porn star.  Look there’s a reason New Mexico and Utah are not very populous states and more lush states are: these conditions suck for human beings.  This is why settlers didn’t stop in New Mexico on their way to California.  If you’re going to be trying to make it in the wilderness with little experience doing so, you should try to play it as much on easy mode as you can.

The author does have one solution to the problem of sustenance: the earthships in Taos:

Taos’ energy-efficient earthships are more than ideal.

Underground. Off-the-grid. Reliant on the sun.

On the outside they look like a spaceship. And the interior? Gorgeous. None of that “roughing it” bullshit, if that’s what you were thinking. We’re riding out the zombie apocalypse in style.

Ok, these are pretty badass.  I looked them up and they are quite a feat of modern science.  Sadly, being a feat of modern science means they’re reliant upon people well-versed in the relevant science and engineering to operate them.  What’s more, even if that weren’t the case, they have another glaring flaw for surviving a zombie incident.  Look closely at this picture and see if you can identify it:

home-slider1
Hint: it rhymes with “ass”, as in “your ass will be dead if you try to hole up in one of these.”

You don’t want to seek refuge in here for the same reason you don’t want to make your last stand in a supermarket: look at all that glass.  That’s not going to keep anything out, nor will it hide you, especially if you have the lights on.

The author later went on to talk more about how the terrain of New Mexico would be perfect for surviving:

Unlike those idiots on The Walking Dead — hanging out in Georgia for no good reason — our state has significantly fewer trees and forests for zombies to pop out of.

Between the humans and zombies, only one of them is interested in hiding (and it’s not the zombies).  Zombies are noisy, they moan.  There are ways to detect their presence without seeing them, removing the need for wide open spaces that play to the strengths of zombies.  However, a forest not only provides countless outlets for sustaining yourself over long periods, it also contains numerous ways to hide.  After all, trees are easier to climb than mesas.

What about the plant life in New Mexico?

Our cacti are about as weaponized as vegetation can get.

Considering what most people consider zombies to look like, with broken teeth, broken limbs, and all manner of injuries that don’t seem to deter the walking dead in the slightest, who could think that the prick of a cactus will be the salvation of humankind?

I can appreciate entertaining different terrains as a survival haven as a thought experiment, but that’s where thoughts of making your post apocalyptic home in New Mexico need to stop.

1 Response

  1. Please link to the original source article and give credit for the photo you posted.

    BTW: The author of the article you’re referencing is a woman, not a man.

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